My hopes are clinging on me. I am talking to myself as if I am someone crazy, and I am conversing myself in English. I am saying things that how I wish Chica was here, or Kervy, or Alvin, which was a great impossibility for he informed me before his camping that they’ll be dismissed at 2pm.
Chica also said to me that he WILL go to the school to try to ask their scouting leader if he can dismiss Alvin earlier than the rest, for he is the person in charge of editing the film. I said that it is not possible because it is a camping, and it is part of their fulfillment (oh great, I used Jefran’s word again: fulfillment!) on their scouting and on their P.E. grade.
I continued waiting, and my thoughts started to crumble crazily. I said things like this: I’m gonna wait until the sun’s rays reach my foot, by that time, I’m sure, it is really late and I should go home. Or maybe, I should just wait before those group of children go home, and that means that I stayed here long enough.
Continuing my thoughts, here is what I said: “Oh, I’ll just pass time by watching the clouds, or maybe watch the wind blow the leaves from the trees, and mock people passing by, similar to what I did earlier as I was waiting for Taho. But that was different! I am in front of our house and the spot where I am standing now is about seven kilometers away!”
I cannot stay on one sitting position. Over time, my butt, thighs or arms get tired and I need to change in position. People come and go under the giant hat, but still I am there waiting hopelessly and idly for two persons.
“I know, I’ll look at that cloud. It is fun to look at the clouds, and give imaginary shapes to them. That one looks like the letter T. Ah! I know, I’ll wait until that T disappears, blown by the wind, until I’ll go on and have my plan.” Not more than three minutes after, the cloud has disappeared, and I never expected that clouds vanish as fast as that.
The lone girl left, maybe her American or European boyfriend have already responded to her text message; the dancers have also left, after a single, dull performance. The preaching class is still there, happily sharing experiences with each other, and the speech choir has already decided to eat their lunch. They ate their lunch after setting off a productive hour. I watched them as I waited for Chica and Kervy, and it was weird to hear the words Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and the sound of gunshots on their Tagalog speech choir.
Now, I’m already giving up, and my mind came up with these thoughts:
“OK, am I going home now? Where the hell are they?! it is like I have been saying bad words here for almost thirty minutes and yet those words did not mean a thing to them. Well, assuming they heard it.”
“If I go home, I just said that this shoot might make me go very late at night, for it was really my plan to go overnight. I memorized my mom’s number prior to my departure, so that I can text her that the inevitable has come onto me, that I’ll sleep on my classmate’s house. If my mom saw me going home early, she’ll say that I cannot go on other practices again, for I am not that important for they have left me! Or, I could just say that it is postponed, and if she asks me why, that’s when everything will flunk out. If I say because only few went, she’ll say that I should not sacrifice and be a martyr and I shall be included to the majority who did not attend.”
“Maybe Chica is at school, for he told me that he’ll fetch Alvin. But I cannot go there! I am bringing these dirty laundries and the fare will be an added cost! What if he is not there, then I just wasted more money. It feels already that I wasted P24 just by going here, am I going to waste P14 more?! And besides, the guard will not let me in. I do not have my school ID with me, and I am wearing shorts! I am also wearing slippers, and that is unacceptable in the dress code. I’m sure Chica is wearing pants and rubber shoes, and he can easily gain access inside.”
“I’ll go at Alvin’s. But argh! He is at camping! He said that they’ll be dismissed at 2pm, and yet, it is just around 12pm at my estimate (I don’t wear watch). And if I go there, and Chica is not present, I am certain that he is fast asleep. I am a boy scout on my elementary days, and I know how it feels like to be in the aftermath of a camping! It is very tiring and I was like a dead meat when I went home, I slept with my face facing the bed and my knees touching the flooring in front of my bed. It will be shameful in part of their family if I’ll disturb the sleep of Alvin.”
“Agh! Where should I go? But I should not give up! I am already here! There’s no point in turning back! Besides, a little amount of money is just small compared to a shot at success. What is the point of being in here if I won’t continue to do this? This is just a challenge, and I shall take it! Never shall I be under the roof of laziness, for sometimes, I should knock out of my shell and go into the sunshine of initiative!”
I paused and said, “wtf? Did I just say that?”
Continuing my thoughtless thoughts, “Stop thinking of the negative stuffs Kenneth! Think of the positive! But, maybe they ate at Robinson’s, for I am sure Alvin is dead hungry and Chica is dead thirsty. Err? But I am sure Chica would not waste time and Alvin has packs of food on his bag for the camping. They are not there.”
“Now, I’ll go to Systems! But, what am I going to do there… I’ll just ask the guard. Then, if I have confirmed that Alvin and Chica went out of the campus, I’ll just head straight to Alvin’s! Ok? Go? Ready?”
And at last, after about 15 minutes of second thoughts, I decided to leave the giant hat. I left it with a fake smile, for assuming that they have already texted me to go there and that my waiting there is not pointless. I do not want to appear despaired in front of many people even though I am carrying those pesky plastic bags with me.
... (For Antigone III. up next.)
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