For Antigone I

And here I go again, writing another blog entry on my desktop. Speaking of the word “desktop”, I remember Alvin, who refers to his personal computer as desktop: correct but different as what people always say – PC or just plainly computer.

August 15. We are at the last Saturday shoot of our school movie, which was a “partial fulfillment” (as coined by the boastful Jefran, haha) on our English IV, which comprises about 1.5 units of our more than 10 units in our senior year. It was a tiring day, for we started working at morning, and ended up going home late at night. Actually, it was not really late at night, but since majority of my classmates have strict parents, due to the fact that most of them are girls, they consider 7 pm as very late at night.

Our leader, Chica, asked us to have our shoot tomorrow, because we left Grand Palazzo Real with many of the scenes unfinished. Grand Palazzo Real (which was mentioned on my blog entry “In The Tropics”) was a very beautiful place, and was our shooting place for the movie. I got quickly used to its beautiful landscape, and the transportation in going there, for almost every weekend of the month of August, that includes Saturdays and Sundays, we are always going there to shoot, and at times, we also include the remaining hours before sunset after classes.

We were really out of time, and we are as rushed as an ant on a rainy season, desperately finding for food even though he knows that he is too late. Only three out of the fourteen scenes were taken, and the submission is on two days. The editing, on average, should take two days, and at the rate we shot the three scenes that we are able to shoot, we should be given five more weekends to finish them. Guess what, we are going to pass that project two days from that day.

Chica asked us to go to Salakot, the never-dying and the very legendary meeting place of our batch, at 10 am. Kervy explained, and said that he cannot miss a day on his church and that the ceremonies or mass (I don’t know how they call it on their religion) will end at 10 am. Chica listened to Kervy and moved the meeting time at 11 am sharp. Take note of the word “sharp”. (wtf?!)

The moment I went home, I slept almost instantly. (Yuck! Haha! This only explains how tired I am that day) Prior to that, we ate at Chowking with Chica bringing the giant styrofoar and I bringing the costumes in a hideous-looking laundry bag. Charlotte is also with us, and I have nothing to tell about her things.

I woke up at 7 am, and the sun was firmly on the sky already. I went fast in the front of the PC and started to open all my accounts on many social networking sites. I opened my Restaurant City, for I was in a chase to pass Claudine’s Chu-chu Restaurant. Then, my sister screamed at me. She heard the sound of Taho! (It is a Filipino food and I do not know how to describe it. All I know is that it is a very popular breakfast in the Philippines that comes in different flavors, but usually, sellers have only one – the classic white flavor.)

I ran outside and downstairs, and was disappointed to see a blank street. The TahoMan has left me, and my chances to sip through the hot cream of it are lost. I waited for about three minutes, watching as the clouds pass by and as the wind blows the leaves on the trees, changing position time after time.

I went up, losing hope, for I do not have a plan anymore to wait for the TahoMan. I sat in front of the PC, when my sister screamed again that the TahoMan is back. To my excitement, bringing the big glasses, I went down. I saw the TahoMan giving delights to the happy children less than half of my height. They are like party children asking for colorful balloons from a balloon man.

At last, the taho was served to me and I consumed it almost instantly. Argh, ten pesos today does not really get you too far. After sometime surfing the Net, I was shocked to see that the time is already nine o’ clock. Using the computer really consumes time, and a friendly tip, if you want to kill time fast and with a smile, surf the Net, as long as you are prepared to pay the hefty electric bills. If not, do the medieval style of passing time, having children, parenting, writing classic literature, and merrymaking with homemade wine on streets all day long.

I ate my heavy breakfast, for I was not able to eat my dinner the night before. I took a bath for “how many?” minutes as I left my RC running.

I chose my outfit for today, which didn’t take long because I only wear shorts and t-shirt, the typical casual wear fit for going on the other street. Haha. I left the house at 11:00 am, and I am deeply worried that may have left me for I am late. As I have said on my entry “On Board Bus Number Zero”, jeepneys in our residence are as rare as humans on the moon. While waiting, I just tried to memorize the first stanzas of my declamation piece, “Ako ang Kriminal”, for I do not want to waste time waiting for those rare resources.

After 15 minutes waiting for the jeepney, bringing the crazy laundry with me, which I separated in two more decent plastic bags minutes before, at last, my long suffering is over. A jeep is approaching. I boarded it, and the ride was smooth and fast. I sat at the front, and I was making a fantasy music video of Gravity on the jeepney.

After 10 minutes, we reached Main Gate, the starting point and endpoint of all jeepneys on the route that I am taking. Some 200 meters away is the Salakot, and I walked fast to get there. The heat of the tropical sun was baking me, and I really need to get under the shade of that giant hat.

To my dismay, no one was there. Except for a group of college students from HAU practicing a dance number, a group of children on a petty preaching session, another formation of students practicing a what I see as speech choir for the Buwan ng Wika and a woman sitting on the metal railings while texting.

So, I waited.

I waited.

I waited for a long time.

Tinig ng Torpe x_x

Ang pinakamahabang tulang Tagalog na tumagal sa akin. Haha :D Pinaghirapan ko ito ng 5 oras siguro, na putul-putol sa loob ng tatlong araw. Gusto ko pa sana habaan, dudugtong ko na lang kapag gusto ko pa. Haha :D Pamagat nito... "Tinig ng Torpe..."

Ako nga ay isang pipi: sa sarili’y nakatago;

Damdamin ay kinukubli, puso’y nakabalatkayo!

Ang sigaw ko ay tahimik; ang yakap ko ay anino;

Ang paghaplos ko ay hangin, bakit ba torpe ang puso?

Ang puso ko’y nakabukas, at ang labi’y nakasara;

Kailan ko ba ibubuka? Kailan ba magsasalita?

Nand’yan ka na, abot-tanaw, paminsa’y nakakasama;

Tila ba nangingibabaw sa’king sarili ang hiya.

Ang aking mahinang tinig, ang sigaw kong walang lakas,

Sana ay iyong madinig, mabanaag o mabakas.

Bawat gabi’y nananalig sa Diyos na nasa itaas,

“O kailan ba maniniig ang pag-iibigang wagas?”

Tanong ko ay walang sagot; utak ko’y walang pahinga;

Isip ko ay lumilibot, hinahanap kung nasa’n ka.

Kung ikaw lamang ay abot bawat minuto at araw,

Ang puso ko ay sasabog sa sobrang pagkatuwa.

Bawat araw na dadaan, sarili ko’y tatanungin,

Sasabihin ko na sa kanya? O ipadala sa tingin?

At sasapit ang ung u, hindi ko na masasabi,

Oo, aking sinasadya na padaanin sa hangin.

Paghiga ko sa kama, sa sarili’y maiinis,

Ano ba ang ginagawa? Pagkakatao’y umaalis!

Ako’y haharap sa unan, pagtapos ay magsisisi,

Mapapangatngat sa punda sa sobrang paghihinagpis.

Ako ay mapapangiti ‘pag ika’y ginugunita,

Kunwa;y magkatabi, nakahiga sa damuhan;

Sa labi’y namumutawi, matatamis na salita,

Hanggang sumapit ang gabi, kamay nati’y magkahawak.

Pangalan mo’y ulit-ulit na lumalabas sa bibig,

Wari’y ‘sang batang makulit, ‘di mapigilan ang kilig.

Isang mahabang pag-impit sabay ng kabig ng dibdib,

Ang mundo ay lumiliit sa aking mumunting silid.

Sa bawat magkasintahan na aking napagmamasid,

Sarili’y nakukulangan, kailangan ko ng pag-ibig;

Sa ngitian at akbayan, ako’y sadyang naiinggit,

Napapasok sa isipan, hiling ko sana’y tayo din.

Para bang napakasarap kung mahal ka ng mahal mo;

Parang nasa alapaap kung kayakap mo mahal mo;

Ngunit sa pangungulila, ginuhit ang tadhana ko;

Ang torpeng nagpapaawa, ngunit ‘di man kumikilos.

Ang puso mo’y nakasara, ang pinto’y nakakandado;

May iba bang nakatira? O ayaw mong magpapasok?

Puno ng kaba at hiya, ayaw ko namang kumatok;

Paano ko malalaman ang sagot sa aking tanong?

Kaysarap mong tingnan lagi, ngunit hanggang tingin na lang.

Kay tamis ng iyong ngiti, ngunit pangkaibigan lang.

Telenovela ang dating, cheesy’t OA ang tauhan,

Ang buhay nga’y parang TV, napakadaming eksena.

Kapag ikaw ay ngingiti, magkukuwento tungkol sa’yo,

Bawat buka ng ‘yong labi, napatutulala ako.

Anuman ang sabihin, makikinig ako sa’yo;

Lahat ng iyong babanggitin, itataga ko sa bato.

At sa tuwing umuulan, ika’y aking maiisip?

Ano ang ‘yong kalagayan? Ikaw ba ay nilalamig?

Anuman ang kalamidad, hahandugan ka ng himig,

Ika’y aking tatabihan sa gabing mahalumigmig.

Kung ikaw ma’y walang payong, walang panlaban sa ulan,

Halika’t dito sumilong, ikaw ay proprotektahan,

Ipo-ipo man o bagyo, ika’y aking sasamahan,

Pwede na ‘kong mapahamak, ikaw lamang ay mahagkan.

Kapag ikaw ay pupunta at lalapit sa’king tabi,

Ang sarili’y mawawala at mapapakagatlabi;

Sayo’y gusto kong humiga, maramdaman ang iyong init,

At ako ay matitigan na para bang umiibig.

At ikaw nga ay tatabi, puso ko’y tumatalon;

Sumisigaw ang damdamin ngunit labi ko ay tikom.

Kailanma’y di magsasabi, sa tubig ay di aahon,

Kailanman ay ‘di aamin, ipalitis man sa hukom.

Pero kung ako ay bukas sa damdamin ko na ito,

Ano kaya ang siyang wakas ng love story ng buhay ko?

Masaya ba ‘tong lalabas o magiging kwentong bigo?

Sana lang ay mayrong lakas magtapat ng pag-ibig ko.

“Sa huli ang pagsisisi,” sabi ng salawikain,

Baka nga ito’y mangyari kung hindi pa ako aamin;

Sa pagdadalawang-isip, akin na lang sasabihin,

Anuman ang mangyayari ay hayaan na lang natin.

Padadaanin na lang ba, maraming pagkakataon?

Palilipasin na lang ba, mga umaga at hapon?

Puso ko ma’y malulumbay, mangungulila man ako,

Isang masagit na aray – pero ang sagot ay oo.

Tila ako’y isang multo na hanggang paramdam lamang,

Hindi masabi ang gusto, hanggang pasenyales lamang;

‘Pag may ilaw nakatago, sa dilim ay lumalabas,

Torpe ba ang espiritu dahil ayaw magpakita?

Ang sigaw na walang lakas, boses na wala sa baga,

Salitang ‘di binibigkas, ang tugtuging walang kanta,

Isang tulang walang sinasabi at hindi pinapakinggan

Ito ay tinig ng torpe, sana’y iyong maramdaman. :)

TAPOS.